Just Be You
You would think in this day in age it would be easy to just do you. But a lot of us still struggle to stop following the mainstream view of how we are to be. Who gets to decide what is masculine and what is feminine especially in appearance? I admit that I still judge people on the matter. I still think that is too feminine for a guy to wear or even too masculine for a woman to wear. I remind myself I shouldn’t think that way. Though women can get away with a lot more than men on what they wear.
If you like it and it represents you then wear it should be how things work. It’s supposed to be about what makes you feel good. It’s not about what other people think a person should wear. You should do you. It’s fine to be different and not follow the crowds. You’re not hurting anyone by doing something against the norm.
Yes, sometimes it is hard to just be you when society says guys don’t wear that. Women of a certain age shouldn’t be wearing that and so on. Someone has to be a trailblazer otherwise things won’t change for sure. So why not just be you?
I’ve been trying my best to do me. I’ve never really followed trends. In general I never did things that made me stand out. When I fell in love with bikini and thong underwear it was pretty easy for the most part to just do me. No one usually sees your underwear. So I made a full transition to them a few years after I started wearing them. Now just being me with breaking into swim brief wearing is a difference story. Not so easy for me. Took me many years to finally just do it. You can read about my swim brief journey here. A new thing I’m working on is wearing tights/leggings. I think they’re seen alright for running and workout wear though probably more so with shorts. I’ve been incorporating them into hiking/dog walking. Right now that is my comfort level with them. It allows me to do me.
So I’m not 100% just be you. I’m taking the opportunities that I’m comfortable with to build my confidence and wear what I want. I’m happy I’ve been able to step out of my comfort zone some. It helped to have my wife’s support with wanting to wear a swim brief. Sometimes it takes support from someone or finding others to join you to get you started. That support got me going on swim briefs wearing to beaches pretty confidently. The confidence I gained wearing swim briefs has helped with my interest in wearing leggings. It didn’t take me long after wanting to experiment with them to find opportunities to wear them unlike my journey getting into swim brief wearing.
So it really comes down to just doing your best to do you. We’re all different. We have different comfort levels. Find ways to enjoy being you. Then work on growing upon them. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Some is definitely better than none at all.
Ways to Support The Bottom Drawer by Shopping
I think it’s easier to “just be you” when your self image of “you” is up to it, whatever that means to you. In my younger days all I ever wore was speedo bikini swimsuits. And they got smaller as time went on, little by little. But I was also in decent shape, quite good in my second and third decade. As time goes on, things change, and my current “you” isn’t quite the same anymore. I still have bikini swimsuits and thong swimsuits, but they are no longer for general public situations. I’m very fortunate to have most private water and sun, but even with guests, it’s no longer going to happen because, as much as the thong and string bikini are the real “me”, I do respect others and it matters to me not to offend. That’s also part of my self image, and as real as my love for small swimwear.
Underwear is another story, nobody sees it, so I can and do go nuts. I just don’t look in the mirror so much, at least not until I can get closer to the me I want to see. And at this stage, that may never happen again. That doesn’t mean I’m not wearing my little underwear.
I have worn bikini style swimwear since childhood in the seventies. it was what all the males wore on the beach back then. I still wear bikinis now and have never once had any comments made good or bad tbh. I think it may be down to the fact that it is nothing unusual for me and maybe that comes across as confident. I realise that the vast majority of men on UK beaches wear shorts, but I never wanted to try them because I like my own choice. I do wear thong bikini swimwear on the quiet parts of the beach to catch some sun etc, though when I walk around near families etc, to got to the loo or shop, I pull my full back bikini over the top. I’m not shy or ashamed of the thongs, Just don’t like making people uncomfortable. The full back bikinis are modest enough I feel , that only prudes would object. My personal view is that there is nothing indecent about wearing full back speedos etc on a beach around people. Thong back ones though, (even on women), require a certain etiquette around families etc. If people wear them confidently, but modestly (not overtly strutting about etc), and just behave naturally whilst wearing them, they have more chance of becoming accepted as just another choice of style.
Well, that is my version of me being me , I’m no trailblazer, but I like to think that as couples walk by the quieter areas of beaches and see men like me relaxing in my thong swimwear, they might become somewhat more open minded and accepting.
When I went to grad. school in Chicago I was unprepred for cold like that. My mom said to go buy a few pair of good pantyhose. They really block the cold air. They ere under my pants and perfectly obscure.
I think what you have written is spot-on. My one gripe is: why do you feel the need not to think a particular way. You say that “I shouldn’t think that way”, but if you are trying to be you, then why not. If you try to stop yourself thinking like that then you are not being you, just like I’m not being me by wearing board-shorts for swimming.
It’s not the thinking that matters, it’s whether you communicate that somehow. You have more than once said you don’t like seeing tubby women wearing bikinis, nor do I, and we are not the only ones. But what’s wrong with thinking that, that’s us. What I don’t think should be happening is us communicating those thoughts to that person, by speech or pulling a face or whatever.
Afterall, this is the issue we are facing currently. Someone can think whatever they like about whether men should wear some particular style of underwear or swimwear, and they don’t have to either, as that would not be them being them. It’s the expression of those thoughts to us that upsets us.
I would say it comes down if I think “they shouldn’t” or that is not what a man or woman should wear is that me being a hypocrite? I want people to be opened minded about the choice of what I choose to wear, so it seems I should be the same for them. So guess it is me trying to change to be a better just me? I’m with that communicating it is way worse than just thinking it. I know I’ve said I’ve seen some heavier set women that look great in a bikini and actually better than smaller women. I’m definitely for people wearing what they want.
OK, I see what you are saying now. You’re still you no matter what you think.
I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of thinking “does that person not have mirrors in their house” when we see what they are wearing. But do we ever stop to think that others might be thinking the same about us? I agree with DonS that as long as we don’t show our disapproval in our facial expression or voice our negative opinions then we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it.
As I get older I find myself asking can I really carry off what I’m about to wear, not because of what others might think, but because of how it makes me feel. I know for a fact I’ll never be seen dead wearing leggings, but I think other guys look great in them. And yet I’m happy to wear g-strings, string bikinis etc and be naked, when appropriate, in public(lol).
Unfortunately there are people who for whatever reason feel the need to show their disapproval when they see someone wearing something that doesn’t fit their stereotypical views of what’s appropriate. How often on this blog have we heard how someone’s self confidence has been dealt a blow because some passer by has made a snide comment about their choice of swimwear? It takes courage to “just be you” but one advantage of getting older is that you learn life is too short to give a stuff about what others might think of you.
This is a great blog post. I was on Instagram today and an add for leggings for men showed up. They look really nice and have pockets on both hips. Then just before the video ends the model pulls a pair of shorts over them. Went to the comments and some guys asked about the shorts, while others including yours truly asked why wear shorts over them.
I’m glad Nate is growing his confidence level to push the limits of mens swimsuits. I do wear leggings as casual wear, dinner, shopping and working out without shorts. One evening I was having dinner at a restaurant and one of regulars asked me if I went riding before dinner. I chuckled and said nope just being comfortable.
I still have some issues or times when I won’t wear thongs in pools at hotels, if it full of kids or just one women already in the pool. Beaches are a different story for me because they are public and open for others to setup away from me.
I’d like to extend this article’s argument based on an incident that happened on Saturday. Partner Liz and I were shopping and we saw a tubby forty-ish woman in too-tight clothes. Bits wobbling as she walked. It’s summer here and it also happened to be a humid, stormy day, so plenty of people in short sleeves and legs, this woman included. I don’t get offended by this, in fact, I can see the funny side of it, and have a laugh to myself. Liz hates this sort of thing. She reckons that because the woman did not intend to be funny, she should not be considered as such and describes such people as more pathetic than funny.
Whenever we see such people I tend to get an earful about it (as though I can do anything about it) when we get home, and that also happened this time. So I suggested that she tries to see the funny side of the situation. In what way did this woman harm me, in fact, she unknowingly helped me by giving me a laugh. I always feel better after a laugh than after a head-shake.
This situation was clearly a woman being herself and not worrying about what other people thought. She’ll never know that I got a laugh, Liz was annoyed, or that another man nearby may have found it sexy (I don’t know, but I saw him look), or whatever a few other people who saw her that day thought.
Now turn that around. You are the one trying to be yourself and not worry about others. If you unintentionally give someone a laugh, or someone else appreciates you, how have you harmed anyone.